I am a rock

I can see how this looks like an island. I arrived on a lifeboat from the deep swells of first life. Alone- because I only had the tools to build a raft big enough for one. I never saw it as a choice between you and me, but I think you did. Hearing your voice yesterday made me think that maybe you'll forgive me one day. Maybe you know now that we were both just surviving, that where we were doesn't have to be what we are. Maybe you can convince me, too. I'm trying to work up the determination to walk around the perimeter- I've come to believe this is no island at all. I can't see the other side and I've thrown my S.O.S out with Gordon's- only to get the same 100,000 castaway reply. I want to find you and tell you that I'm trying to pry this heart open- that every day I tear through muscle and bone and scars. That I'm trying to get leverage- that I can't breathe and I'm tired of letting it try to kill me. I'm jamming in what I can find- and I found so much wrong that I don't know that I'll recognize what is right. I know I feel it though and I want to call it to me. I want to sing the song the brings it to me because I've got to sit in this place for now and stop searching. Once I'm ready I'll walk the coast- once I don't expect to find you there. Or once I'm not afraid that you won't be there. I want to know if we are all convinced we are on our own island and if we'll ever figure out that it's the same damn island. The answer is clever and perhaps doesn't want to be found out- maybe it wants to surprise me. Jump out when I least expect it and say 'now I've got you'.