In my dreams it's not 3:2

I know I said I was sad, but it was really just for a minute. And while I wish it could have been different, I really only meant that for a minute too. I think what I loved most about you was how you could black out through anything. Even through me dying in my sleep.

I predicted that I'd wake from daydreaming 6 weeks before I actually did. I did a lot of things in those weeks that would indicate that I was still sleep deprived, that I was still oxygen deprived, that I was still reason deprived. And what is my excuse today?

I bet I'd still like you better when you're blacked out. I've spent so much of my life making myself small, holding my breath. I don't feel as compelled to anymore, though. Because there's no one here to forget me.

I go to bed way too early. Like I'm trying to miss something. While there really is a lot I miss there's not much I could sleep through. It's more like I'm missing something and trying not to miss it. I'm pouring the mineral water and trying not to think how it's not booze. I just hope I remember to drink it before the ice melts and waters it down.