Stay away from the station

It's like I get up one day and decide I'd like to take a trip. I go to the station, but don't decide where yet. I don't even buy a ticket, I'm actually not going anywhere, or at least I don't think I mean to be. I just want to watch. I want to see what comes to the station. I wait and watch until a dark black train pulls up. There is no announcement as to where this train is heading. It's speeding into the station. It's on fire when the brakes hit. It doesn't stop, it just slows down long enough for me to jump on. I was secretly waiting for this train- if the right one comes.

I really don't even have to be invited. I can tell this train wants me. I've told no one where I'm going- so I'm not accountable to say 'my trip to Springfield was amazing'. And no one can find me. When I send a post card so they don't worry, I don't tell them that the train is off the tracks. That somehow we kept going, that I'm too scared to step off because I don't think another train will ever come for me. That I love this train and I don't even care where we end up. Instead I say- "It's amazing. I wish you were here." And I mean this too. I mean all of this. I want to be swept away, driven off, stranded. And if I'm on a runaway train it's not my fault. And if I don't say where I'm going, I can't be in the wrong place.

I can't say the words "I know I shouldn't be doing this"- because then I'd have to stop or admit that I'm crazy, that my survival instinct is all fucked up. I know the train won't stop. If I want off, I've got to do more than pull the brake wire, more than beg it to stop. I have to jump off and find my way home.